Silent Suffering: Taylor’s “tolerate it” Meaning, Explained Line by Line
tolerate it, true to the reputation of Taylor’s historic track fives, is the most raw and vulnerable song on evermore.
The lyrics describe the feelings of being ignored, diminished, and being made to feel unimportant by your romantic partner.
What do the lyrics mean, and what inspired Taylor to write this powerful and painful track?
Here’s my complete English teacher analysis of Taylor’s tolerate it meaning, line by line.
tolerate it by Taylor Swift
- Title: tolerate it
- Written by: Aaron Dessner, Taylor Swift
- Track: 5, evermore
- Pen: Quill
- Lyrics from Genius
tolerate it Meaning: Narrative Summary
- Theme: female rage.
- Setting: A shared home, and a “shared” life.
- Characters: Narrator (Taylor, or another protagonist), subject (cold partner, “you”)
- Mood: Angry, resentful.
- Conflict: This person doesn’t value her or notice her.
- Inciting Incident: “watch you tolerate it”
- Quest: Figure out if they really value her love or not.
- Symbols & Metaphors: “tolerate it,” “everything you do or don’t do,” “older and wiser,” “Use my best colors for your portrait,” “lay the table with the fancy shit,” “a battle hero’s welcome,” “indiscretions,” “polish plates until they gleam and glistеn,” “While you were out buildin’ other worlds,” “throw blankets over my barbed wire,” “my temple, my mural, my sky,” “footnotes in the story of your life,” “hearts in the byline,” “leave us in ruins,” “dagger in me,” “gain the weight of you then lose it.”
- Lesson: Don’t underestimate your innate value. Be with someone who sees it and appreciates it.
What is tolerate it About?
tolerate it is about wanting to be loved and appreciated by your partner for all that you are. The lyrics describe a protagonist who does everything to be noticed by her lover, but they offer her nothing in return.
It’s about the feelings of rejection and heartbreak when you’re not valued by your other half, and the madness that can ensue when you feel invisible to them.
In the evermore Prologue, Taylor described this song as part of a trilogy: “The ‘unhappily ever after’ anthology of marriages gone bad that includes infidelity, ambivalent toleration, and even murder.”
The other two songs she includes in this category are no body, no crime, and ivy.
Who is tolerate it About?
On an interview with Apple Music, Swift explained:
“When I was reading Rebecca by Daphne Du Maurier and I was thinking, ‘Wow, her husband just tolerates her. She’s doing all these things and she’s trying so hard and she’s trying to impress him, and he’s just tolerating her the whole time.’ There was a part of me that was relating to that, because at some point in my life, I felt that way. So, I ended up writing this song “tolerate it”, that’s all about sort of trying to love someone who’s ambivalent.”
Though she was inspired by “Rebecca”, the song seems to be infused with Taylor’s own emotions, vulnerabilities, and heartbreaks. She has never revealed who she drew any real-life inspirations from, if any.
tolerate it Meaning: Line by Line
The first verse narrates the protagonist observing her partner: “I sit and watch you readin’ with your head low.” She’s paying attention to him, but he has his nose buried in a book. He’s ignoring her.
“I wake and watch you breathin’,” she says, “with your eyes closed.” This is an intimate moment, like she’s trying to observe the essence of him and figure him out. But the “eyes closed” symbolizes his blindness to her; he doesn’t see her.
“I sit and watch you,” she says, “I notice everything you do or don’t do.” She’s trying to find one small piece of evidence that he values her. She can’t find anything.
But then she tries to reason with herself: “you’re so much older and wiser,” she says. She wonders if this is normal, since he’s “older and wiser.” Maybe this is just how more mature people act in a relationship? She’s doubting herself and her gut feelings.
Chorus: “Use My Best Colors For Your Portrait”
The age gap is widened in the chorus, where Taylor compares herself to a small child begging a parent for attention.
“I wait by the door like I’m just a kid,” she says, anxiously awaiting the moment he arrives home.
“Use my best colors for your portrait” means that – like a toddler – she’ll do her very best to draw or paint him.
🤎 Can you tolerate my evermore Lyrics Quiz? 🤎
But colors in the Taylorverse are significant, and Taylor has very specific colors she uses for love (like the golden love in Daylight, burning red and depressive blues of Red). Is this a meta reference, and the “portrait” is her lyrics?
She’ll “lay the table with the fancy shit,” meaning she’ll pull out the special china – maybe wedding china? – to make an everyday dinner with him special. This shows him how much she values him and their time together, but all she gets in return is to “watch you tolerate it.”
He puts up with her: waiting by the door, painting portraits, setting the table. He doesn’t appreciate any of it, and he certainly doesn’t reciprocate her signs of affection.
“If it’s all in my head tell me now,” she urges him. “Tell me I’ve got it wrong somehow.” She feels like she’s going crazy: does he really just “tolerate” her? Or is it all in her mind, and she’s going mad?
“I know my love should be celebrated,” she admits, “but you tolerate it.” In her heart of hearts she knows her value and worth, but he doesn’t.
Verse 2: “I Take Your Indiscretions All in Good Fun”
The second verse gives more anecdotes of their one-sided relationship.
“I greet you with a battle hero’s welcome,” she says. She makes a big deal when he comes home. She’s excited to see him. But then it gets darker.
“I take your indiscretions all in good fun” means that she tolerates his cheating. She brushes it off or ignores his infidelity, just like he brushes off her love.
“I sit and listen,” she says, which still sees Taylor as the observer. She watches and listens to him, but he doesn’t give her the same courtesy. This song in itself is trying to get him to listen, but he doesn’t.
“I polish plates until they gleam and glisten” means she wants everything to be perfect for him. She means this is a sign of affection, but like all the rest of her signs, they’ll go unnoticed. Like Cinderella, her hard work goes unrecognized and taken for granted.
“You’re so much older and wiser,” she repeats. Maybe he knows what’s best, and she’s only driving herself round the bend trying to get blood from a stone?
Bridge: “Where’s that Man Who’d Throw Blankets over My Barbed Wire?”
The bridge confronts him more directly.
“While you were out buildin’ other worlds, where was I?” she asks. While he was out building a life without her – creating worlds that she’s not a part of – she was at home, polishing crystal and waiting for him to return.
“Where’s that man who’d throw blankets over my barbed wire?” she asks. He used to value her and take care of her. He didn’t want her to hurt herself on her “barbed wire,” so he helped her navigate her trials safely. But that person seems to have disappeared.
“I made you my temple, my mural, my sky” means she made him her whole world. She worshiped him like a temple, surrounded herself with him like a mural, and perched him high in the sky of her life, overlooking everything. He was number one.
🤎 Can you tolerate my evermore Lyrics Quiz? 🤎
But something drastic has changed. “Now I’m beggin’ for footnotes in the story of your life,” she pleads. She’d give anything to even be a “footnote” in their story; to even be mentioned. But she’s no longer anywhere in the narrative.
In the story of his life, she’d be “drawin’ hearts in the byline,” trying to call attention to herself and her love for him. But he ignored them, and kept on writing the story without her.
She was “always takin’ up too much space or time” for him: she felt like an annoyance or an inconvenience.
“You assume I’m fine,” she says, but he doesn’t ask. He doesn’t know if she’s fine or not, and she’s clearly not.
Final Chorus & Outro: “Gain the Weight of You, Then Lose It”
![Selected lyrics from Taylor Swift's "tolerate it," annotated to uncover hidden meanings and analyze her use of literary devices.
The final chorus and outro read: "Break free and leave us in ruins?
Took this dagger in me and removed it
Gain the weight of you, then lose it
Believe me, I could do it
If it's all in my head, tell me now
Tell me I've got it wrong somehow
I know my love should be celebrated
But you tolerate it
[Outro]
I sit and watch you"](https://swiftlysungstories.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/05/gain-the-weight-of-you-then-lose-it-lyrics-tolerate-it-meaning-1024x1024.jpg)
“What would you do if I break free and leave us in ruins?” she asks. This compares their relationship to a cage or a prison. If she breaks out and tears the temple down on her way out, what would he do?
What would he do if she “took this dagger in me and removed it”? He’s the one who has stabbed her in the heart, and maybe the back. If she removes it, will she bleed out? Or will she heal, and find someone better?
“Gain the weight of you, then lose it” means she’s taken on the burden and responsibility of him and his vast worlds. What if she gets rid of it? Will it remove the elephant sitting on her chest?
“Believe me,” she assures him, “I could do it.” This sounds like a child telling their parents they’re running away, but it’s also a threat. She’ll leave him if he continues to give her nothing.
But then she circles back around, questioning herself and questioning him. She pleads for him to set the record straight: does he care about her at all, or is she only “takin’ up too much space or time?”
But again, she gets nothing from him. He continues to “tolerate” her, and she goes back to quietly sitting and watching.
She’ll polish china and linger by the door, ignore his affairs, and continue on in quiet resentment. She’ll tolerate being small to him, and he’ll tolerate her love. What a happy couple.
tolerate it Lyrics Meaning: Final Thoughts
Though this song may not have been inspired by a real person in Taylor’s life, the emotions and metaphors she uses tie in seamlessly with the rest of her catalog.
If you’ve ever been in any relationship where you feel undervalued and unappreciated, this song resonates with you. It’s female rage, personified. Taylor is slowly driven mad, gaslit, and made to feel small.
I like to think that the protagonist of this song did “break free and leave us in ruins,” and went on to find someone to love her right. Because if she doesn’t, she’ll end up as the mad woman in the attic, pacing and screaming for eternity.
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