Love & Regret: “Back to December” Meaning, Explained

Back to December is one of Taylor’s saddest songs, made all the more poignant by the fact that she admits she made a mistake and tries to make amends in the lyrics.

This song is her mea culpa to an ex whom she hurt deeply, and in it, she pours out her feelings in a vulnerable, atmospheric soliloquy. But what does this song really mean?

Here’s my full English teacher analysis of Taylor’s Back to December song meaning. Let’s see what we can learn about Taylor (well, both Taylors), what really went down between them, and what Taylor is trying to say in this apologetic song.

Back to December (Taylor’s Version)

• Title: Back to December (Taylor’s Version) 
• Track: 3, Speak Now (Taylor’s Version) 
• Written By: Taylor Swift
• Pen: Fountain
• Hidden Message: “Tay” 
• Lyrics via Genius

Back to December Narrative Analysis

• Setting: An awkward, tense encounter with an ex, or an imagined apology.
• Characters: Narrator (Taylor), Subject (ex-boyfriend, probably Taylor Lautner, “you”)
• Mood: Nostalgic, regretful and apologetic.
• Conflict: She let him go, hurt him deeply, and regrets it. 
• Inciting Incident: Something happened in December that either broke them up or lead to their breakup. 
• Quest: Let him know that she regrets hurting him and would take it back if she could. 
• Symbols & Metaphors: Seasons & weather (December, fall, summer, cold), roses, driving
• Theme: Regret – don’t know what you’ve got til it’s gone. 
• Imagery: “Burned in the back of your mind,” “watched you laughin’ from the passenger side,” “cold came, dark days.” 
• Lesson: Apologize if you hurt someone.

What Was The Hidden Message in Back To December?

The hidden message in the original Speak Now liner notes for Back to December was “Tay.”  

Who is Back to December About? 

Back to December is pretty much confirmed to be about Taylor Lautner (acknowledged by Taylor L. himself on TikTok). The hidden message reading “Tay” pretty much confirms it on Taylor (Swift’s) end, too. 

But moreover, this song is about accepting responsibility when you hurt someone, even if you didn’t intend to.

Back to December Song Meaning: Line by Line

The first verse opens in medias res – in the middle of the action, with not much context as to what’s going on. But, as we’ll soon find out, her delicate and apologetic tone foreshadows at what’s to come. 

“I’m so glad you made time to see me,” she says, approaching the subject with caution, “How’s life? Tell me, how’s your family?” We can tell this is a person she hasn’t seen in a while, but that they used to be important to her. They once had intimacy, but now it’s gone. 

“I haven’t seen them in a while,” she says of the subject’s family, which serves as a time marker. It’s been a good long while since she was close with him, or close with him family: this separation happened a while back. 

“You’ve been good, busier than ever,” she says, summarizing what she imagines they’ll chat about in those first awkward moments. 

“We small talk, work and the weather,” she imagines they’re both nervous, and are circling around the larger issues instead of tackling them directly. 

“Your guard is up and I know why,” she says, sensing that he’s being wary of her. He’s put up some emotional walls that won’t come down, and she understands why. The reader will understand why, too, momentarily. 

His guard is up because “Because the last time you saw me / Is still burned in the back of your mind.” Whatever happened the last time they saw one another – which we sense was the day they broke up – still haunts him. 

It’s “burned in the back” of his mind, like an image on a film reel that he can’t erase. It’s all he sees when he looks at her, and it brings all that past pain forward again. 

“You gave me roses and I left them there to die,” she says, using a metaphor for their breakup. He gave her a gesture of love (roses represent life, love and growth), but she abandoned it, leaving their relationship to wither away. 

💜 How well do you know Speak Now? Take the Speak Now TV Lyrics Quiz! 💜

Chorus: “This is Me Swallowing My Pride”

“So, this is me swallowing my pride,” she says in the first chorus, “Standin’ in front of you sayin’, ‘I’m sorry for that night’.” To swallow one’s pride means to put your ego aside, and admit the truth. It’s difficult for her to admit it, but she apologizes for how she hurt him. 

“And I go back to December all the time,” she says of her own mental film reels. She replays the moment she hurt him over and over, trying to figure out why she did what she did. 

“It turns out freedom ain’t nothing but missin’ you,” she says, possibly providing a motive. She may have wanted “freedom,” or to not be tied down, but all she’s found without him is that she wants him back. 

“Wishin’ I’d realized what I had when you were mine” describes her constant regret and rumination. As the old saying – and Joni Mitchell song – goes, “you don’t know what you’ve got til it’s gone.” 

Seeing vs. blindness is a big theme in Taylor’s songbook, and she often wonders how her partner can’t see what they’ve done. But unlike a partner’s blindness like in songs like Tell Me Why, the blindness here is her own, and she admits it.

“I go back to December, turn around and make it alright,” she says, trying to turn back time to when it all fell apart. She’ll switch between “I go” and “I’d go” throughout the lyrics, and it’s an important distinction. 

“I go back to December all the time” means that mentally, she replays this fateful moment in her head. But “I’d go,” which she’ll use later on, is what she’d do if she got another chance. 

Verse 2: “Realized I Loved You in the Fall”

The second verse reminisces about the good times, the bad, and narrates where she’s at mentally in the present day. 

“These days, I haven’t been sleeping,” she says of her midnight ruminations, “Stayin’ up, playing back myself leavin’.” Midnights and early mornings are symbolic for Taylor of big emotional shifts. Her guilt and remorse has stolen her peace of mind, and her sleep.

“When your birthday passed and I didn’t call,” she says, pointing to one particular moment that keeps her awake. She kicks herself for treating him so poorly, and neglecting the things that were important. 

“Then I think about summer, all the beautiful times,” she says, now pouring over happier memories, “I watched you laughin’ from the passenger side.” Summer usually symbolizes a time of new love and happiness in Taylor’s songbook, and here, it contrasts with the bleak winter to come. 

She recalls riding in a car with him, sun shining over the road of love, while she’s happily ‘along for the ride’ of this romance. But she’ll soon slam on the metaphorical brakes, and she still doesn’t quite know why.

“And realized I loved you in the fall,” she says, pulling in another seasonal metaphor. Autumn is a time of shifting emotions, and it sits between the carefree summer and the dark winter. 

When winter arrived, it brought feelings of insecurity she couldn’t escape. “And then the cold came, the dark days,” she says of the changing seasons and changing emotional temperature, “When fear crept into my mind.”

“You gave me all your love and all I gave you was goodbye,” she says. She felt a chill, and froze him out instead of letting him in. 

Bridge: “If The Chain is On Your Door, I Understand”

The bridge ruminates over what she lost, and how much she misses him. 

“I miss your tanned skin, your sweet smile,” she says, “So good to me, so right.” His “tanned skin” evokes the summer imagery: she misses when times were light and happy, and is now stuck in the pale days of winter loneliness. 

She only sees in hindsight how “good to” her he was, and how perfectly they fit together. But this begs the question: was he too “good”, and not exciting enough? We know that she tends to go for the “bad boys” (see the previous track Sparks Fly), and here, she paints him as sweet, but not particularly exciting. 

But he is – above all else – loving. She recalls a particular moment when he made her feel safe and cared for: “And how you held me in your arms that September night.” 

This is likely referencing the infamous “mic grab seen round the world” of the 2009 VMA awards, where Taylor Lautner was actually on stage with her during that embarrassing and traumatizing ordeal.

It was “The first time you ever saw me cry,” she says. We can see that in this emotional moment, she allowed herself to be vulnerable with him. Did that scare her away? Did her own vulnerability spook her? 

“Maybe this is wishful thinkin’,” she says, “Probably mindless dreaming / But if we loved again, I swear I’d love you right.” She’s asking for another chance, but she knows it likely won’t happen. She sheepishly asks anyway, putting it all on the line, but bracing herself for a “no.” 

“I’d go back in time and change it, but I can’t,” she says, wishing she could turn back the clock, “So, if the chain is on your door, I understand.”

She can’t reverse the pain she caused him, and she’ll understand if he will never again let her into his heart or his life. 

Final Chorus: “All The Time”

She’s just laid out all her feelings in the previous bridge, and asked for another chance. She knows it’s probably won’t happen, “But this is me swallowing my pride,” she repeats in the final chorus. 

This song – and all the things she’s admitted within the lyrics – is her mea culpa. She’s “sorry for that night,” but she’s also sorry about everything she did that hurt him. The night is only one piece of a larger puzzle of hurt and shame. 

“I go back to December,” she says, mentally rewinding her mistakes, “turn around and make it alright.” If she could, she’d time travel, so she could “turn around and change my own mind.” 

“I go back to December all the time,” she says, lost in memories of shame and regret, “All the time.” This basically means ‘I miss you all the time, and I’m sorry for everything.’ 

Whether or not he’ll accept her apologies for her “cold” behavior is up to him. But either way, this song is her open letter of things left unsaid, and now he’s heard it. 

💜 How well do you know Speak Now? Take the Speak Now TV Lyrics Quiz! 💜

Back to December Meaning: Final Thoughts

The song as a whole brings forth imagery of clocks and ticking time, which runs through the veins of all of Taylor’s albums: wanting to turn back time, wishing she’d made different choices, reflecting on the passage of time. 

She often speaks to her younger self, such as in Fifteen, The Best Day, and Innocent, and she does in this track, too. But it differers in that she’s not teaching her younger self a lesson; she’s telling her younger self to realize what was right in front of her.

But what’s most interesting in Back to December is that Taylor makes herself the “bad guy,” which she very rarely does. Most of her songs are about getting hurt, but this one is about her doing the hurting.

As she told us about this era in the Speak Now TV Prologue, “Sometimes I felt like a grown up, but a lot of the time I just wanted to time travel back to my childhood bed.” Back to December pines for that same feeling of comfort, but she didn’t lose that stability through growth: she lost it due to a self-inflicted mistake.

Back to December is really about growing pains, and learning that although you may have always had good intentions, you can still hurt people. And when you do, it’s best to take accountability.

More Songs From Speak Now (Taylor’s Version)

• Speak Now Album Prologues Compared 
• Mine 
• Sparks Fly 
• Speak Now
• Dear John
• Mean
• The Story of Us
• Never Grow Up
• Enchanted
• Better Than Revenge
• Innocent
• Haunted
• Last Kiss
• Long Live
• Ours
• Superman
• Electric Touch (ft Fall Out Boy) [From the Vault]
• When Emma Falls in Love [From the Vault]
• I Can See You [From the Vault]
• Castles Crumbling (ft. Hayley Williams) [From the Vault]
• Foolish One [From the Vault]
• Timeless [From the Vault]