Trials & Trauma: Taylor’s “this is me trying” Meaning, Explained

this is me trying is a heavy track from Taylor Swift’s folklore about addiction, mental health, and the struggle of being human. 

The lyrics describe either one or two central protagonists who are desperately trying to change their situation, pouring their hearts out to others in an attempt to get help. 

Taylor uses some beautiful metaphors and imagery to portray this dark struggle of the mind, and her lyricism is intricate and vulnerable. 

Here’s my full analysis of Taylor’s this is me trying meaning, line by line. 

Please Note: This song contains references to suicide and addiction. If you are struggling, help is available. No one expects you to struggle alone.  Find help in your location here. 

this is me trying by Taylor Swift

• Title: This is Me Trying
• Written by: Jack Antonoff, Taylor Swift
• Track: 9, Folklore
• Pen: Fountain
• Lyrics from Genius

this is me trying Narrative Summary

• Setting: Rock bottom.  
• Characters: Narrator (Taylor, or another protagonist), subject (ex-lover, friend, or alternative life, “you”). 
• Mood: Hopeless, regretful, vulnerable. 
• Conflict: The protagonist is struggling with addiction, mental health, and feels like they’re falling behind in life. 
• Inciting Incident: Comes back to the subject’s “door” to seek a second chance. 
• Quest: Spill their deepest, darkest secrets; hopefully get help and companionship. 
• Symbols & Metaphors: “trying,” “shiniest wheels”, “rusting,” “came back,” “the lookout,” “all the way down,” “here in your doorway,” “all of my cages were mental,” “shoot to kill,” “ahead of the curve” & “curve became a sphere,” “Fell behind,” “pouring my heart out,” ”didn’t pour the whiskey”, “open wound,” “flashback on a film reel.” 
• Theme: Doing your best. 
• Imagery: “I had the shiniest wheels, now they’re rusting,” “Pulled the car off the road to the lookout / Could’ve followed my fears all the way down” “They told me all of my cages were mental,” “my words shoot to kill when I’m mad,” “I was so ahead of the curve, the curve became a sphere,” “Pouring out my heart to a stranger,” “ it’s hard to be at a party when I feel like an open wound,” “You’re a flashback in a film reel on the one screen in my town.” 
• Lesson: Just do your best. That’s all you can do. 

What is this is me trying About? 

this is me trying is about mental health, addiction, and frail humanity. Taylor wrote the song during the pandemic lockdown, when so many of us were just trying to survive mentally and physically. 

In the Folklore Long Pond Studio Sessions, Taylor said: 

“I’d been thinking about addiction and I’d been thinking about people who, if they’re either suffering through mental illness, addiction or they have an everyday struggle. No one pats them on the back every day but every day they’re actively fighting something. 

There are so many days that nobody gives them credit for that, so how often somebody who is going through that kind of struggle must wanna say to everyone in the room, “you have no idea how close I am to going back to a dark place.”

Taylor Swift, Folklore: The Long Pond Studio Sessions

Who is this is me trying About? 

The song is likely not about Taylor herself, but about imagined characters or unnamed people in Taylor’s life. 

As she told us in the folklore prologue, the album was written “about or from the perspective of people I’ve never met, people I’ve known, or those I wish I hadn’t.” But her own emotions likely informed the song, even if she’s never experienced the dire situations her characters face in the lyrics.

this is me trying Lyrics Meaning: Line by Line

Note: I use the pronouns “they/them” in this analysis because we don’t know the gender of the protagonist. Taylor has revealed that this song is not from her perspective, so I use gender neutral pronouns to describe the narrator’s words. 

The first verse begins with a vulnerable confession from our protagonist (Taylor, or another main character): “I’ve been having a hard time adjusting.” Something has changed in their life, and they’re having a hard time getting used to it. 

”I had the shiniest wheels,” the narrator says, “now they’re rusting.” They used to have a bright future: ambition, the means to get there (shiny wheels), goals, perpetual motion. But now the wheels are rusted: stagnant, creaky, stuck. What was once a bright, shining future is tarnished.  

“I didn’t know if you’d care if I came back” implies that the narrator left this person in a hurry or without explanation. They disappeared or ghosted this friend or lover, and “have a lot of regrets about that.” They are ashamed of how they left things, but they’re about to explain what’s been going on. 

Then it gets really dark: “Pulled the car off the road to the lookout / Could’ve followed my fears all the way down.” The narrator – possibly on the drive to this person’s house – pulled the car to the side of a cliff.

For a moment they thought ending it all would solve their problems. They looked out over the scope of their life, and thought dying could be the solution to their pain. 

But, thankfully, they didn’t. They turned around and headed for this person’s doorway. 

“And maybe I don’t quite know what to say,” the narrator says, “but I’m here in your doorway.” They don’t know where this is all going or how to vocalize what they’re going through, but they showed up. 

This alludes to the importance of just showing up, or as Hillary Clinton says: “showing up is not all of life, but it counts for a lot.” The narrator didn’t show up to their death, they showed up to their life. And that matters, even if they don’t know how to do it perfectly. 

“I just wanted you to know that this is me trying,” they repeat. This is doing their best when they’re in a really dark place. It might not look like it from the outside, but this is using the full force of their strength and willpower. 

“This is me trying” means “this is me trying to save my own life.” 

Verse 2: “So I Got Wasted Like All My Potential”

The second verse either continues with the same protagonist of the first verse, or introduces another narrator. 

“They told me all of my cages were mental” means that they have been told it’s all in their head. They’re told they’re only restricted (caged) by their own limitations in their mind. 

This is not only a devastating thing to hear and to believe, but it also alludes to mental health struggles like in the first verse. Mental health struggles are not your fault; they’re part of human biology. 

In response, the narrator “got wasted like all my potential.” They reached for drugs or alcohol to numb the pain of being told it’s all in their head.

They “wasted” their own “potential” because if it’s all in their head (like the lies people told them), there is no hope. They think nothing will get better, so they might as well get drunk or high. 

“And my words shoot to kill when I’m mad” means that they have a sharp tongue. Their words can wound like bullets when they’re angry. But “mad” also means mentally ill. 

“I have a lot of regrets about that” means they regret their words that hurt others, but they also regret ‘getting wasted.’

“I was so ahead of the curve,” the narrator says, “the curve became a sphere.” To be “ahead of the curve” means that you have advantages or natural abilities that place you far above others. “The curve” is an academic grading system, and to be “ahead of the curve” means you’re far above others in the class. 

But the curve becoming a sphere means it circles back around to become a loop. They went so far around the bend of achievement that they wrapped all the way back around to failure. They “fell behind all my classmates and I ended up here,” at the bottom of the curve, or the lowest point of the sphere. 

Where is “here”? “Pouring out my heart to a stranger.” We find out that this setting is maybe different from the first verse: they’re speaking to a stranger, and not a friend in the doorway. 

“But I didn’t pour the whiskey,” they say. They are really low mentally, but they didn’t reach for the bottle. And that’s progress. This alludes to an AA meeting, but it’s not entirely clear. 

“I just wanted you to know,” they say to the stranger, “that this is me trying.” It might not look like progress to an outsider, but they are doing their best. And that has to be enough. 

🩶 Can you pass my tricky folklore Lyrics Quiz? 🩶

Bridge: “You’re a flashback in a film reel on the one screen in my town”

The bridge is either a new narrator, or it’s been the same narrator all along. 

“And it’s hard to be at a party when I feel like an open wound,” the protagonist says. They can’t celebrate anything when they’re so raw and exposed. Being around others feels too abrasive; too painful. 

“It’s hard to be anywhere these days when all I want is you” means different things when applied to verse one vs. verse two. 

“When all I want is you” in the context of the first verse means they want this person they came back to talk to. They want back the person they ghosted. 

But “all I want is you” for the second verse means they want the drugs or alcohol. This ties in with being at the party: they can’t be around temptation. They’re too vulnerable. 

“You’re a flashback in a film reel on the one screen in my town” means that they can’t stop thinking about this singular desire (alcohol/drugs, or a person). A “flashback on a film reel” represents their memories flickering in their mind. It won’t stop repeating. 

Taylor uses this metaphor frequently in folklore, like in “the greatest films of all time were never made” in the 1, and “I think I’ve seen this film before” from exile.

“The one screen in my town” means there are no other “screens” available: this is the only thing on. They can’t watch anything else.

The “screen” is their mind, and “my town” means their whole existence and experience. Everything revolves around their desire for this thing. 

But in the larger context, “when all I want is you” means that they just want to get to a better place. They want things to get better overall, and the companion of drugs or a partner are one way to feel better quickly. 

The final chorus and outro repeat “and I just wanted you to know that this is me trying,” and ends with “at least I’m trying”. 

They’re doing the one thing they can do: try. And that has to be enough, because they’re already doing their best. That’s why they’re “pouring their hearts out” in the lyrics: it’s a cry for help. 

Will they get the help they desperately need? 

🩶 Can you pass my tricky folklore Lyrics Quiz? 🩶

this is me trying Meaning: Final Thoughts 

This is the most devastating song on folklore, and reflects the heavy times we were all going through when Taylor wrote the song. The pandemic isolated all of us, affected our mental health, and left us all just trying to survive and do our best. 

In the larger context of the album, it ties into the theme of stories being passed down. The narrator is passing along their troubles to others, just as Taylor is passing down her real or imagined narratives to us – the reader. 

It’s a gorgeous reflection on mental health, if trying your best is enough, and what it means to be human in all our frailty. 

More Songs From folklore: 

• folklore Prologue
• the 1
• cardigan
• the last great american dynasty
• exile
• my tears ricochet
• mirrorball
• seven
• august
• illicit affairs 
• invisible string
• mad woman
• epiphany
• betty
• peace
• hoax
• the lakes